about Two Hearts Beating Each to Each

While I write this, my parents are in the balcony— today is Karva Chauth—one of those rare “Hindu-Sikh” festivals where married women fast from sunrise to moonrise whilst praying for their husband’s long life. As always, my parents defy the norm—my mom is a North-Indian Sikh and my dad is a South-Indian Hindu—and define their own version of the festival. Instead of only my mother fasting, they make it a joint-fast and wait for the moon to show up so that they can then feed each other to end their day-long ritual.

My mother and father couldn’t be more culturally different. While my mother is a North Indian with Punjabi as her mother tongue, my dad is a Telugu-speaking South Indian. When my parents realized they wanted to get married, outraged relatives and orthodox families declared: “This can’t work. You belong to different states, you belong to different religions”

“Yes, but we belong with each other”. In a country famous for “arranging” marriages, my parents chose a “love-marriage” that transcended states, communities, languages and religions. They chose the voice of their intuition over the clamor of convention. They chose to be happy rather than “right”.

I’ve grown up watching my parents define a culture. I’ve watched them during Hindu Religious Rites (the chants are in Telugu, and my Punjabi mother is clueless). My dad sits with mom so that he can gently squeeze her hand to tell her it’s time to smash open the ceremonial coconut. I’ve seen the hand-squeeze work at Sikh-Temples so that my clueless dad knows when to kneel down or say Sat Sriakal. There is no her-festival or his-religion, no her-language or his-custom. It is— our customs, our festivals, our religions, our languages —and this is their culture. It is defined by a shared belief that their being together trumps everything else.

Listening to Steve Jobs say “Follow your heart and intuition” is inspirational. What is more inspiring is waking up every morning to watch this tenet played out in your living room. Twenty years ago, had my parents buckled under the yoke of conventionality and done what was “right” I probably wouldn’t exist.  My parents give me the courage to tune into my inner voice—like they did, like they do— and to shut out the din of conformity.

I am a collage of cultures. I am a synergy of love. I am the son of my parents and for me life isn’t about settling for the “supposed to”s, it’s about chasing down the “want to”s.  When I’m faced with a decision, I don’t choose to be “right”. I choose to follow my heart, I choose to be happy.


26 thoughts on “about Two Hearts Beating Each to Each

  1. Jolly Singh

    You the most expressive author I’ ve come across in a very long time…. I must say that I am thoroughly impressed by your words and as you say, the voice of your soul….

  2. mentalmygoodman

    Simpler and lower-key than your Quora comment, and yet impassioned in its quiet. Thank you, among other things, for sharing your story for the sake of those who yet doubt themselves of lonely midnights, brazen as they are by light of day. For all the uncountable ways I’ve heard this story told, your telling of it seems to speak to my heart and convince in a way I haven’t felt before. I borrow a phrase from Amanda Palmer and tell you that I’ve fallen in love with you a little bit.

  3. Pingback: about Two Hearts Beating Each to Each | ReachSharu

  4. Sunita Sharma

    I wish married people and ‘to be parents’ to read this so that they understand the secret of producing loving souls like you!

  5. Sankalp

    Very honestly, I’m considering showing this blog to my parents when / if a few years down the line they’re not happy with me marrying my different-cultured girl.

  6. Jalpa Trivedi

    love every words of yours that shows the greatness of love and happiness to follow the heart…great inspiration to take a loveless life on to track of life full of love..People need to change their perception and open up their eyes to see what truly love is..life is not just adhering to old norms to please your family and your society but having that courage to fulfill your life in all terms with love as its main power.

  7. TwoB

    I buy your logic. Even from the Quora post
    But what if .. what if
    the whole point of marriage more than just individualistic pleasure. What if the societal system is made for the whole society to sustain whene ever it was made
    and marriage was a way to progress the society as a whole and not really pleasure each other.

    If i am king and i have resources at my disposal – i would obviously break up work and say – one set take this set of duties and other do this so no conflict – the industrialized economy’s assembly line process
    Dont you think the whole of societal rules are framed in this way – for the convinence and betterment of the society. Like you do things for the convinence for the society – you dont fart in public, you sneeze with your hand covering your mouth,
    Why did someone come up with Utopia as concept – people segrgated accoridng to rules and then they do that.

    Then again i am not saying they are right. I putting a point forward for a discussion. I myself advocate love marriages and am experiencing a painful struggle because the precise issues u mentioned

  8. Pingback: Do arranged marriages in India really work? | liming2140

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  10. Aditya Raja

    Classy piece of article.Amazing work !I will definitely read more of you and follow you! You inspire a 18 year old teen looking for a life of his own not of compulsions. 😀


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